A Couch for Kim Jung Il
With lawman “W” and his six-gun rhetoric safely stored at the Crawford ranch, I wonder how the new sheriff in town plans to tangle with international outlaws. Beltway pundits are handicapping bad boy Iranian President Ahmadinejad (a.k.a. Mad Mahmoud) to be the ace in Sheriff Obama’s deck of notorious cards. But I’m betting on North Korean potentate Kim Jung Il.
Last year Kim launched a flurry of missiles over his neighbors’ backyards. Now he’s test-firing ICBMs that one day could punch a hole in downtown Honolulu. The Bushies tried toughness, but that didn’t work very well.
Obama has promised us change. His own personal style is more cerebral than “W’s” more muscular approach (that’s putting it politely). So I have a recommendation for our new Chief Lawman and his diplomatic deputy, “Hil” Clinton.
Instead of saber rattling, how about trying the guidelines promoted by the public schools in dealing with schoolyard bullies? First, we should try to understand Kim Jung Il. What if hidden deep inside this pint-sized browbeater is a sweet kid trying to burst out? Blame it on poor parenting or sour breast milk, whatever.
After all, how bad can this guy really be? He’s reported to own more than 20,000 videotapes, watches NBA games, is a big fan of French cognac, and he drives a Mercedes. Threat to world peace? Sounds more like a K Street lobbyist.
His worst trait may be his supersized ego. Kim Jong Il’s official biography claims a double rainbow appeared at his birth and a new star formed in the heavens. “Dear Leader” has a self-image that would make even Tom Cruise blush.
On the other hand, Kim might be suffering from temporal dislocation, a feeling of being out of time. His bouffant hair and platform shoes suggest he’s still living in the 70’s. Maybe he’s watched “Saturday Night Fever” one too many times? Maybe Hillary could persuade Kim to get Freudian counseling. His big missiles may simply be symbolic substitutes for the little guy’s …
Gentility in dealing with pathological potentates does have historical antecedents. Remember British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain? He didn’t engage in dangerous saber rattling in his Munich meeting with Herr Hitler in 1938. No, instead of prodding the retired paperhanger with the tip end of his black bumbershoot, Chamberlain faced down Hitler’s mania with appeasing chatter. And look how successful that tidy bit of diplomacy tuned out to be!
If there proves to be merit in President Obama’s more genteel approach, then we might have to re-evaluate a few American leaders’ harsher words. In retrospect fiesty Teddy Roosevelt may have been overly macho. Maybe he should have said, “Speak softly, but carry a big banana.” Patrick Henry’s famed oration should have ended with, “Give me liberty, or give me a thrashing!”
Like most Americans, I will give the Obama-Clinton diplomacy time to produce results. But the next time the Lakers’ #1 fan in Pyongyang watches a game live, I suggest that right after the national anthem all the fans send “Dear Leader” a digital greeting he would not soon forget.
Last year Kim launched a flurry of missiles over his neighbors’ backyards. Now he’s test-firing ICBMs that one day could punch a hole in downtown Honolulu. The Bushies tried toughness, but that didn’t work very well.
Obama has promised us change. His own personal style is more cerebral than “W’s” more muscular approach (that’s putting it politely). So I have a recommendation for our new Chief Lawman and his diplomatic deputy, “Hil” Clinton.
Instead of saber rattling, how about trying the guidelines promoted by the public schools in dealing with schoolyard bullies? First, we should try to understand Kim Jung Il. What if hidden deep inside this pint-sized browbeater is a sweet kid trying to burst out? Blame it on poor parenting or sour breast milk, whatever.
After all, how bad can this guy really be? He’s reported to own more than 20,000 videotapes, watches NBA games, is a big fan of French cognac, and he drives a Mercedes. Threat to world peace? Sounds more like a K Street lobbyist.
His worst trait may be his supersized ego. Kim Jong Il’s official biography claims a double rainbow appeared at his birth and a new star formed in the heavens. “Dear Leader” has a self-image that would make even Tom Cruise blush.
On the other hand, Kim might be suffering from temporal dislocation, a feeling of being out of time. His bouffant hair and platform shoes suggest he’s still living in the 70’s. Maybe he’s watched “Saturday Night Fever” one too many times? Maybe Hillary could persuade Kim to get Freudian counseling. His big missiles may simply be symbolic substitutes for the little guy’s …
Gentility in dealing with pathological potentates does have historical antecedents. Remember British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain? He didn’t engage in dangerous saber rattling in his Munich meeting with Herr Hitler in 1938. No, instead of prodding the retired paperhanger with the tip end of his black bumbershoot, Chamberlain faced down Hitler’s mania with appeasing chatter. And look how successful that tidy bit of diplomacy tuned out to be!
If there proves to be merit in President Obama’s more genteel approach, then we might have to re-evaluate a few American leaders’ harsher words. In retrospect fiesty Teddy Roosevelt may have been overly macho. Maybe he should have said, “Speak softly, but carry a big banana.” Patrick Henry’s famed oration should have ended with, “Give me liberty, or give me a thrashing!”
Like most Americans, I will give the Obama-Clinton diplomacy time to produce results. But the next time the Lakers’ #1 fan in Pyongyang watches a game live, I suggest that right after the national anthem all the fans send “Dear Leader” a digital greeting he would not soon forget.